Our sweet Tori pretending to be a mommy. :)

It seems all of a sudden that so many of our friends are trying to have babies, having babies, wanting babies, raising babies and the like.

Tommy and I have always been passionate and serious about our parenting journey, not that we’ve done it all right, but two out of our three are almost “done” and they are pretty great kids. One is still ”cooking” and we think she’s turning out alright too! We have a 19, 17 and 11  yr old. We’ve been through broken bones, broken hearts, post pardum depression, sheer exhaustion, sheer joy, weening them off of chicken nuggets and french fries, insane extra curricular activity schedules, sleeping through the night, pulling teeth, rolling of the eyes, artistic expressions, nervous school days, terrible two’s, teenage years, loud music, pet grossness, sibling rivalry, leaving for college, moving across the world, medical hardships, overbearing parent speeches, parenting conflicts on how things should be done and everything that goes along with normal life and how that affects the raising of our children.

So, we’ve offered advice to a few new parents over the last few years, some at their request and some got it whether they wanted it or not. :)   I’ve recently had the opportunity to compile and share some of our best parenting tips/advice with a few new mommies. As I compiled this info, I thought that it would be appropriate to “store” it on the blog. It’s much easier to send a link to someone than to recreate the information. Not lazy. Effiicient!! Here again is a great parenting tip. Don’t be lazy. Efficiency is quite ok, though.

If I had only two seconds to offer you our best parenting advice, it would be this:

Look to Christ!

And I could end the blog there and that would be good enough. Really! We didn’t always but we did it enough to where it seriously paid off. We all see examples of kids who turn out quite well without Christ being in their lives, living productive and responsible lives and often doing much good around the world, but I just can’t help think it can’t be as good without Him.

I also happen to think that God puts invaluable information in the hearts and hands of other human beings and we can all benefit from that so here is what I’ve put together recently. Take it or leave it. Chew on it. Spit it out. Disagree. Agree. Make it your own. Adapt it to fit your family. Whatever. It’s our information that I’m giving to you and you can choose to read it or not and do with it what you will.

It’s not everything that is important but it’s a place to start. Put in the hard work. Lazy parenting has a pretty good chance of producing lazy kids. I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.

Here it is. Depending on the age of your children, some of the resources you won’t need right away but we absolutely love and HIGHLY recommend the two resources on sexual purity. They have been an invaluable resource for us as our kids became ready for them.

For the logistics of parenting, we used (and made our own adaptations) Baby Wise. I loved it because it fits my more structured personaltiy, but you have to take what works for you and leave out what doesn’t.

Resources for Sexual Purity:

God’s Design for Sex Series, (Amazon.com or  www.familylife.com)
Passport To Purity, Dennis & Barbara Rainey (www.familylife.com)
 
 
Resources for Parenting with influence:
Tender Warrior, Stu Weber (for dads)
Mom, You’re Incredible, Linda Weber (for moms)
Growing A Spiritually Strong Family, Dennis & Barbara Rainey
Grace Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel
Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, Tim Kimmel
Different Kids Different Needs, Dr. Charles F. Boyd
www.FamilyLife.com

Regarding keeping your marriage healthy when parenting, the best thing you can do for your marriage is to always make sure your marriage comes first. Well, right after your relationship with Christ, of course. Date night, praying together, playing together and laughing together are crucial. Also a healthy understanding that “this too shall pass” or our famous “this TWO shall pass” and that you will one day not have kids in your home and you cannot neglect your relationship with each other or you will have nothing in common when they’re gone. Depending on their age, there will likely be wailing and gnashing of teeth when you leave for date night or focus on each other without them in the picture but they will be so much healthier for it. They’ll be utterly grossed out when they see you kiss each other but deep inside it’s a huge boost for them to know you love each other. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard “RATED R!!!”. It’s really just Rated PG. :) Always keep in mind what kind of marriage relationship you want them to have and what kind of parents you want them to be when they grow up. You have to model that for them now. We jokingly tell our kids, now that at least one of them is getting closer to making us grandparents (still several years away!!), that if they don’t raise their kids like we raised them, we aren’t keeping them. Either that or we get to fix them when we have them. :)

Also, check on the familylife.com website. They have bible studies that I think are geared for parenting/marriage but any of them will help to keep your marriage healthy. We have led a number of these studies over the years and gone to even more marriage conference/retreats. I’m not sure we would have survived without them. http://www.shopfamilylife.com/familylife-resources-homebuilders.html

As far as working together in marriage when it comes to parenting, a possible option is to come up with a mission statement of sorts as to how you want your kids to turn out. Having this will keep you on the same page and make it easier as you make decisions on how many activities they will be involved in later on (piano, soccer, baseball, etc.) and just the daily decisions like family bed or sleep in her room, public school, private school, homeschool, stay on a strict feeding schedule or just eat whenever, who do you let them stay with, play with, etc. Not everything matters but alot does and having a mission statement to run issues through is usually very helpful and brings some clarity when things get a little out of focus.

Our mission statement has evolved over the years but has mainly been something like this:

To raise responsible, well-adjusted, emotionally & physically healthy adults who own their own faith and are productive members of society.

And I also like to add in “that other people can enjoy”. :)   When my kids go stay with someone else, I tell them to act in such a way that the hosts are glad they invited them.

Something else to consider is possibly coming up with a parenting style. I don’t know the technicalites of all involved in parenting styles but ours was more of wanting to influence our children to become who they were going to become rather than dictating or military drill sargeant. Dictatorship never works. History shows that full well. I guess it might for a while but as soon as your “reign” is over, you can count on some rebellion. Try guiding them, influencing them, showing them by loving them. Be firm when you need to be firm (if there’s a snake, you want them to jump when you say jump) but always be willing to listen and help them understand as often as you can. You can decide how that looks for you as you develop as a parent. Every family is different.
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Feel free to share some of your tips, advice, mission statement, etc. You may have some valuable information that we can all benefit from too!
Disclaimer of sorts: I do not pretend to understand the challenges and differences in raising children with disabilities or serious medical conditions or raising children in non-American cultures. This information is based on our family, what we know and what we’ve experienced.  My heart goes out to you guys and I pray you find daily (or hourly as the case may be) encouragement and divine advice from our Maker.
 
Psalm 139   13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

 15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

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