Baby! Oh, Baby!!

Our sweet Tori pretending to be a mommy.

It seems all of a sudden that so many of our friends are trying to have babies, having babies, wanting babies, raising babies and the like.

Tommy and I have always been passionate and serious about our parenting journey, not that we’ve done it all right, but two out of our three are almost “done” and they are pretty great kids. One is still ”cooking” and we think she’s turning out alright too! We have a 19, 17 and 11  yr old. We’ve been through broken bones, broken hearts, post pardum depression, sheer exhaustion, sheer joy, weening them off of chicken nuggets and french fries, insane extra curricular activity schedules, sleeping through the night, pulling teeth, rolling of the eyes, artistic expressions, nervous school days, terrible two’s, teenage years, loud music, pet grossness, sibling rivalry, leaving for college, moving across the world, medical hardships, overbearing parent speeches, parenting conflicts on how things should be done and everything that goes along with normal life and how that affects the raising of our children.

So, we’ve offered advice to a few new parents over the last few years, some at their request and some got it whether they wanted it or not.   I’ve recently had the opportunity to compile and share some of our best parenting tips/advice with a few new mommies. As I compiled this info, I thought that it would be appropriate to “store” it on the blog. It’s much easier to send a link to someone than to recreate the information. Not lazy. Effiicient!! Here again is a great parenting tip. Don’t be lazy. Efficiency is quite ok, though.

If I had only two seconds to offer you our best parenting advice, it would be this:

Look to Christ!

And I could end the blog there and that would be good enough. Really! We didn’t always but we did it enough to where it seriously paid off. We all see examples of kids who turn out quite well without Christ being in their lives, living productive and responsible lives and often doing much good around the world, but I just can’t help think it can’t be as good without Him.

I also happen to think that God puts invaluable information in the hearts and hands of other human beings and we can all benefit from that so here is what I’ve put together recently. Take it or leave it. Chew on it. Spit it out. Disagree. Agree. Make it your own. Adapt it to fit your family. Whatever. It’s our information that I’m giving to you and you can choose to read it or not and do with it what you will.

It’s not everything that is important but it’s a place to start. Put in the hard work. Lazy parenting has a pretty good chance of producing lazy kids. I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.

Here it is. Depending on the age of your children, some of the resources you won’t need right away but we absolutely love and HIGHLY recommend the two resources on sexual purity. They have been an invaluable resource for us as our kids became ready for them.

For the logistics of parenting, we used (and made our own adaptations) Baby Wise. I loved it because it fits my more structured personaltiy, but you have to take what works for you and leave out what doesn’t.

Resources for Sexual Purity:

God’s Design for Sex Series, (Amazon.com or  www.familylife.com)
Passport To Purity, Dennis & Barbara Rainey (www.familylife.com)

 

 

Resources for Parenting with influence:

Tender Warrior, Stu Weber (for dads)

Mom, You’re Incredible, Linda Weber (for moms)

Growing A Spiritually Strong Family, Dennis & Barbara Rainey
Grace Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel
Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, Tim Kimmel
Different Kids Different Needs, Dr. Charles F. Boyd
www.FamilyLife.com

Regarding keeping your marriage healthy when parenting, the best thing you can do for your marriage is to always make sure your marriage comes first. Well, right after your relationship with Christ, of course. Date night, praying together, playing together and laughing together are crucial. Also a healthy understanding that “this too shall pass” or our famous “this TWO shall pass” and that you will one day not have kids in your home and you cannot neglect your relationship with each other or you will have nothing in common when they’re gone. Depending on their age, there will likely be wailing and gnashing of teeth when you leave for date night or focus on each other without them in the picture but they will be so much healthier for it. They’ll be utterly grossed out when they see you kiss each other but deep inside it’s a huge boost for them to know you love each other. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard “RATED R!!!”. It’s really just Rated PG. Always keep in mind what kind of marriage relationship you want them to have and what kind of parents you want them to be when they grow up. You have to model that for them now. We jokingly tell our kids, now that at least one of them is getting closer to making us grandparents (still several years away!!), that if they don’t raise their kids like we raised them, we aren’t keeping them. Either that or we get to fix them when we have them.

Also, check on the familylife.com website. They have bible studies that I think are geared for parenting/marriage but any of them will help to keep your marriage healthy. We have led a number of these studies over the years and gone to even more marriage conference/retreats. I’m not sure we would have survived without them. http://www.shopfamilylife.com/familylife-resources-homebuilders.html

As far as working together in marriage when it comes to parenting, a possible option is to come up with a mission statement of sorts as to how you want your kids to turn out. Having this will keep you on the same page and make it easier as you make decisions on how many activities they will be involved in later on (piano, soccer, baseball, etc.) and just the daily decisions like family bed or sleep in her room, public school, private school, homeschool, stay on a strict feeding schedule or just eat whenever, who do you let them stay with, play with, etc. Not everything matters but alot does and having a mission statement to run issues through is usually very helpful and brings some clarity when things get a little out of focus.

Our mission statement has evolved over the years but has mainly been something like this:

To raise responsible, well-adjusted, emotionally & physically healthy adults who own their own faith and are productive members of society.

And I also like to add in “that other people can enjoy”.   When my kids go stay with someone else, I tell them to act in such a way that the hosts are glad they invited them.

Something else to consider is possibly coming up with a parenting style. I don’t know the technicalites of all involved in parenting styles but ours was more of wanting to influence our children to become who they were going to become rather than dictating or military drill sargeant. Dictatorship never works. History shows that full well. I guess it might for a while but as soon as your “reign” is over, you can count on some rebellion. Try guiding them, influencing them, showing them by loving them. Be firm when you need to be firm (if there’s a snake, you want them to jump when you say jump) but always be willing to listen and help them understand as often as you can. You can decide how that looks for you as you develop as a parent. Every family is different.

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Feel free to share some of your tips, advice, mission statement, etc. You may have some valuable information that we can all benefit from too!

Disclaimer of sorts: I do not pretend to understand the challenges and differences in raising children with disabilities or serious medical conditions or raising children in non-American cultures. This information is based on our family, what we know and what we’ve experienced.  My heart goes out to you guys and I pray you find daily (or hourly as the case may be) encouragement and divine advice from our Maker.

 

Psalm 139   13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

A Few Things

There are a few things that I’m really glad we brought with us to Singapore.

Things from our Texas home that make our house here feel more like home.

Texas flags, decor, etc. These things always bring a smile to my heart.

My Chi hair straightener.

Movies. Since we brought our PS3, we pretty much only buy US dvd’s. The region code is different here in Asia. Movies are cheaper in the US and we’ll always be able to play them wherever we happen to live. We did buy an uncoded dvd player here though for Tori’s/guest room.

Toothpaste and toothbrushes – They have them here but having brought some from the US has saved us money in the long run cause almost everything here is more expensive.

An ample supply of feminine products. TMI, I know… It just happens to be on my “few things” list, though. Yes, they have them here but they’re not the same and they cost more.

Coffee & flavoured coffee cream – Stocking up on this on our trips back is always a priority.

And this…

We brought this with us in our sea crate shipment and I haven’t thought to use it yet. Until today. We brought a super duper power converter for our kitchen so we could use our US appliances. I brought my crock pots, Kitchen Aid mixer, blender, rice cooker, etc. Just a few more of the things on my “few things” list.

Ice cream here is expensive in Singapore. The good kind anyway. We thought a 1/2 gallon of Bluebell in the Texas was expensive when we lived there. Now we think it’s cheap even when it’s not on sale. It’s always interesting to realize how living in Singapore has changed our perspective on expensive and cheap.

I made vanilla ice cream this morning (using my Mexican vanilla my Mom brought me last year – yet another thing I’m really glad I have) and Jakeb tasted it and said it tasted like Bluebell. Score!! I am already thinking of all the possibilities of making healthy fruit sorbets, frozen yogurts and such. I’m sure it will be in and out of the cabinet much more often over the next year and I probably won’t be buying ice cream in the stores here again. Although I didn’t really buy it that much anyway.

Now I will need to organize my small freezer to make more room for all of this frozen deliciousness!

Summer Close-out

In case you missed it, all but one of the Stunz fam spent time in Texas this summer. As always, it’s good to be home. We spent good time with old and new friends and family, ate good food, shopped, and mostly enjoyed our time. I for one missed being in Singapore though. I wrote about missing Singapore a few posts back.

So I thought to close out our summer, I’d share a few of my favorite photos with you. Nothin’ fancy, not much to write about but felt it necessary to sort of close out our summer as we get back into our Singapore adventures. I did take a lot of pictures but I didn’t take pictures of a lot of people and places that I probably should have. Some of those memories will just have to remain in my head and heart while I pray that I don’t end up with Alzheimers. I think I was just too exhausted from the whirlwind schedule to pull out my camera half the time. Hopefully you’ll enjoy these as much as I do.

Ok, I have to explain this one… This is a “OH MY GOSH, this ribeye is SO good” face.

Tori wrote a great post on her blog about moving into her dorm. I’m so glad Anna and I were able to spend some time on her turf this year and help her move in. She has a great dorm room!!

Ok, so now what??? I’m sure I’ll think of something. Lucky you.

Change is…

… inevitable.

Whether we like it or not, change happens.

We grow up, our metabolism slows down, our hair begins to grey, our arms aren’t long enough to read a menu, we start checking nutrional labels for fiber content (no! I’m not there yet!!), our kids grow up, move out and start living their own life, trees change color (not if you live in Singapore, though), relationships evolve, some grow deeper, some end, some begin.

… good

Someone once said that without change we are like a stagnant pond and a stagnant pond stinks. We must embrace the inevitable course of  change even when it hurts. But even in the painful parts of change, if we look hard enough, we can always find hope, peace and grace. That is, if we look at our change through God’s plan and not our own.

I’m not really sure where this post is headed but it’s what is going on in my brain right now. I’ve always been a fan of change in most areas. I love changing my furniture around and it really bothers me when the placement of our walls just won’t let that happen. I can’t change where the walls are. Well, maybe I could but that would be a little extreme. I sort of crave change but I sort of dread it at times too. I have a pretty positive history when it comes to change, though. Most of the changes I’ve experience have turned out fairly well. Even through the hard ones, I’m able to see God’s hand and know that it is always better when He is in control.

I will be leaving Texas soon to head back to Singapore. Once again, I will be leaving my family and friends while some of them are going through some pretty difficult changes of their own. Nevertheless, it is time. I’ve decided, for now anyway, that Singapore is not where my home is but it is where my life is. Texas is most definitely home but it’s not where my life is at the moment.

Next Tuesday morning, Texas time, I will leave my oldest daughter again as she begins her 2nd year of college. I hate leaving her but that is a change that has proven to be good if we can see it through God’s eyes.

Our son is starting his last year of high school. I am already thinking about making his senior video that has become a family tradition and thinking through how and when we will move him back to Texas next summer. We will then have two kids out of the house and WAY out of the house since we’ll still be in Singapore. 

I will begin homeschooling Anna this year and we are committed to that for at least two years. That is one huge change that will affect almost all aspects of my life. More focus, more than usual anyway, will be on teaching her and caring for my family, which is exactly what is needed now. I had the last year to focus on myself , sort of figure out again who I was after being so overworked for the previous several years and now it’s time for change.

Change is exciting. Change is painful. Change is refreshing. Change is draining. But…

Change is invetible. And change is good.

I honestly think that it’s all about perspective and what or more importantly, Who we put our hope in. I need to be reminded of this almost daily.

Change changes us. Pretty profound, huh??? I don’t want to be a stagnant pond. They stink.

PACE – Count us in!!

We think we may have struck gold! Gold in the form of a program that we are VERY optimistic about in dealing with some learning/reading/processing issues that Anna has been struggling with since the 2nd grade, for 4 years. That is too long!! With the help of her 2nd (Mrs. House), 3rd (Mrs. Gary) and 4th (ME!) grade teachers, we have diligently sought out what might be going on in that complex brain of hers.

This beautiful child is created by and is an incredible gift from God.

He knew every ounce of her being before she was even born.  Psalm 139

  13 For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

She is a social genius  and the most tender-hearted, merciful and loving human being I know. She is worth every minute of our time and ounce of effort we can give her in our parenting journey. She is so incredibly smart and if anyone ever told her she wasn’t, I’m pretty sure I’d punch them in the face. I digress…. God created her and I honestly don’t think it was a surprise to Him that she has struggles. Her struggles are forming her to become the sweetest, most compassionate and loving person and there are no limits to how I know He will use her to fulfill His purpose down the line. THIS is why Tommy and I MUST do whatever it takes to guide her, train her and encourage her through her formative years. She will one day fly solo and we don’t want to be responsible for not helping her grow her wings.

During the 2nd grade, Anna was in the Gifted and Talented program while she was simutaneously put into a Remedial Reading program. That just did not compute. Her teacher is the one who came to us and was genuinely concerned that something was going on. During that same year, her confidence level began a rapid downward spiral that ended up with us knowing by the middle of her 3rd grade year that, if for no other reason, we had to homeschool which we did for her 4th grade year. She made it through the 3rd grade thanks to a wonderful teacher (and a supportive principal and asst. principal) who championed the process of getting Anna tested for Irlens Syndrome and Dyslexia through the school system. We were not thrilled with having her labeled as Special Needs but if that was the issue, we were all about facing it head on if it would help her to not feel dumb. Turns out she did not have either of these. It’s possible that Anna has a slight case of ADD but even that was not bad enough to compel us to start any medications. Although we did start and still continue to use natural supplements for focus and brain health. We did that during her 4th grade homeschool year and we noticed a considerable difference in her ability to focus and just sit still and accomplish a task. It took a while but it did help.

So our goal during the 4th grade homeschool year was simple. We were going to strive to achieve building up her confidence level and try to get a glimpse of any clues that maybe someone else had missed. When certain methods didn’t work or she seemed seriously frustrated, my husband and I would discuss and often come up with a different angle of accomplishing the same task. Just for instance, when she was faced with timed tests like 5 minutes to read a passage and answer 10 questions or math speed drills that she was supposed to finish in 2 minutes or 4 minutes or whatever, she absolutely froze. When I just gave her the drill, though, and told her relax and do it and see how long it took her, she did great and usually completed it in the time it said to do it in anyway. If your child is struggling with similar issues as Anna, please don’t think that what worked for Anna will work for yours. I would just advise you to think outside the box and try super hard to get into your kids head and figure out how he/she thinks. And love them like crazy! One other thing we did that we believe really helped was to read to her during the summer before her 4th grade year. We just figured that if she hated to read, she could still love books. Tommy read to her ALL the time. If she wanted a book, we bought it (age appropriate of course). If she wanted to read we let her but usually Tommy just read to her. We did not want her to get frustrated. So it was just for fun and just for the love of a good story and to teach her that all those words on a page were not put there to torture her. It worked. She loves books and loves to read even though she still has some issues with it all.

At some point, we met a lady named Karen. She ran a race on a team that my husband ran on and during that race Tommy discovered that she homeschools all 6, I believe, of her children. Maybe only 5, not sure. When we decided to homeschool Anna, I contacted her. She helped me through our decision and curriculum choices and was a brilliant cheerleader for me throughout the year. We became quick friends, mostly in cyber world but friends nonetheless. During our communications, she began to describe Anna’s struggles to me as if she had known her all of her life. And actually she sort of has with a family member of her own, but that’s her story, not mine.

Karen sent me the link to her business, The Woodlands Learning Center. I dug.  I processed. Tommy and I discussed and I dug some more. Karen and I chatted fairly often but it took me some time to get to the point where I knew enough about what I thought was going on with Anna to decide that we needed to head that direction. The whole concept of what they do is basically forming new pathways in the brain to help process information more efficiently. I won’t tell you all about it because, well, I don’t know all about it myself, but you should go dig for yourself. We are incredibly optimistic that this program will be just the “lightbulb moment” we’ve been praying for.

We came back to Texas (we live in Singapore) in March of this year for various reasons but we really wanted Karen to do the assessment for Anna. We discovered that she had an auditory processing level of a 5 yr old and visual processing level of an 18yr old. That’s a pretty wide gap. All this time, I honestly thought that Anna was an auditory learner and taught her with that in mind. I can’t begin to think about how much time I might have wasted but God is merciful even in our shortcomings. And all the people said, “AMEN!”. Karen was confident that the PACE program (Processing and Cognitive Enhancement) would help her. She basically said that Anna has a long country road between her auditory and visual processing ability and she could build a toll road. It made perfect sense to Tommy and I.  We began the program in our recent trip back to Texas and Karen explained to Anna that it’s not something she did or didn’t do, it just is. PACE should help her to process information more quickly thus helping her read and learn better and ultimately live a more confident life. Count us in!!

The program will take 12 weeks or so to complete. I don’t know all there is to know about it yet but I am very intrigued and excited by the prospect of it all for Anna and for her future. I just asked Anna how she felt about it and these were her words, “ugh. I think it’s going to help me but it will be like school.”  Yes, it will be work. Yes, it might be tiring. But I happen to think we’ll have some fun too.

I’ll keep you posted.

My Stomach is Asian

I usually update my status on facebook a couple of times each day. Often those updates have to do with food. Why????? I have no idea. It’s just so darn good, I guess.  And we do eat more than a few times each day so it’s just what I do and isn’t that what the facebook status is for? I’m pretty sure my facebook peeps think all I ever do is eat. I know we have to make wise choices when we eat but honestly, what would you do when faced with these types of options?

Blue Bell Grooms Cake Ice Cream

Sonic Campfire Blast

Chickfila nuggets with Polynesian sauce

Chuy’s potato chip fried chicken with creamy jalapeno sauce

Pappasito’s chips & salsa

Chipotle Burrito Bowl loaded  - It’s really fairly healthy and I can’t eat the whole thing anymore so that’s a start.

My stomach has been a little turned upside down for the past several days here in the U.S. I told Tommy that I think my stomach is Asian now because it doesn’t appear I can handle these types of foods anymore. He says he thinks that some Beef Hor Fun and Pho will fix me right up. I think so too.

Monumental Occasion

Today is my mom’s 70th birthday. WOW!! I’d say that’s a pretty monumental occasion!

Time has not slowed her down at all. Well, much anyway. 

She camps, she cans pears and whatever else she can get her hands on, she cooks the best pancakes ever!, she keeps her grandkids and great grandkids as often as she can and she is still just as involved as ever in her service to Christ and the Church. And that’s just for starters.

Last night as Anna and I were going to bed, Anna said, “Mom, Mawmaw must be a really great mom because you are a really great mom.”

First, I told her that was such a sweet thing to say and then I told her that my mom IS a really great mom and I learned from the best! These 70 years, about 50 of them being a mom, are filled with camping, canning, cooking, caring and serving. What a blessing she is to our family and to the world!

Happy Birthday, Mom!! We love you!

Missing Out

We are so happy to be in Texas right now but there is so much I’m missing out on in Singapore. I guess it’s good that I’m missing something in Singapore. Only took a year of living there to be anxious to get back. Doesn’t hurt that my husband and son are there either.

We will have been in Texas for almost 6 weeks. Too long in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong… I’ve really enjoyed and made the most of spending time with family and friends and all this great food but it is not a joy to arrange schedules, make everyone happy, live out of a suitcase and feel homeless for this long. Unless you’ve done it, you wouldn’t understand.

Anyway, SO much is going on in Singapore that we’re missing out on!!

Singapore National Day – Singapore is 45 years old. Jakeb and Tommy were able to experience the celebrations from some friends 8th floor apt balcony right on Marina Bay. How cool!! I have to admit I was jealous. I was also sick that night so I was really wishing I was somewhere else besides the bathroom. TMI I know. Sorry…

Youth Olympic Games – First ever! and they’re being held in Singapore. We really wanted to volunteer for this and be a part of it. I’m loving all the pictures I’m seeing from my friends on facebook.

The Hungry Ghost Festival - has just begun. I’m pretty sure it will still be going on when we get back. I’ve posted on it last year if you want to check out the post. It’s a pretty depressing “festival” from my vantage point but you pass interesting sights everywhere you turn.

So to all of my Singapore buddies, enjoy for me and I’m excited to see you again! To all my Texas buddies, I’m really loving my time with you and do not take it for granted!!

One of our favorite family quotes is “wherever you are, be all there”. That’s my focus for sure but there’s no harm in looking forward to the future. Like around August 25th. I’m soooo ready to hug my husband!!