Language of Love

We’ve probably all heard at some point in our lives how love is a verb, an action, a choice, not really an emotion or a feeling. Did you know love has a spoken, not necessarily verbal, language?

Actually there are 5 of them.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Eons ago, Tommy and I were introduced to The 5 Love Languages. It was a revolutionary concept for us in our marriage. In a way, we each have a love tank, like a gas tank in a car. When it gets empty, the car sputters and often dies. That’s a little extreme but knowing how someone’s love tank gets filled up makes life so much simpler. Well sort of… I say “sort of” because what Tommy and I have found is that each of our love languages ended up being the one that was the most challenging for the other to speak. God’s twisted sense of humor.

The 5 Love Languages can also be used in parenting once our children are old enough for us to see what their primary love language is. You can usually see their love language developing around 6 or 7 years old and then you can usually tell for sure by 8 or 9. At least that’s how it went with our kids.

Sometimes in our relationships we spin our wheels doing this or that when if we knew what filled the other’s love tank, we could focus on that area and not waste our time on the other stuff we think should be working. I could give my husband gifts until the cows come home and he’d say thank you but it would do nothing for him. But if I hold his hand or sit close beside him where our arms touch, you can see the gas gauge quickly rise. Triple bonus points for going to bed at the same time as he does. Physical Touch (no, it doesn’t just mean sex) AND Quality Time which is his secondary Love Language. Tommy knows that I know he loves me when he empties the dishwasher or changes a lightbulb or helps me with something I need to do. He gets triple bonus points if he does it without me even having to ask!!

In our marriage relationship, if we allow our love tanks to get low or run on fumes so to speak, we run the risk of allowing someone else to fill it. This is no good. Similarly in parenting our children, if we as parents don’t keep our kid’s love tanks full they will most likely find someone or something to try to fill it too. Also no good. I’m not saying this is always the case but it is a viable risk and should be taken seriously. It’s also not a full proof way of maintaining healthy relationship boundaries either. Sometimes we just make poor choices and it’s no ones fault but our own.

Take the assessment if you dare. It’s pretty a great conversation starter with your spouse or your older children.

Here are mine and Tommy’s results. They always make me laugh. The highest score you can get on any one language is 12.

Andrea’s:
Love Language Scores:
8 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
11 Acts of Service
2 Physical Touch

Tommy’s:
Love Language Scores:
5 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
0 Receiving Gifts
4 Acts of Service
11 Physical Touch

The good thing about this is that Tommy and I never really need to be concerned with giving and receiving gifts. However, having one child whose secondary love language is Receiving Gifts, we really have to pay attention to that.

There’s also an assessment online for kids on the link above. It might be more of a challenge to figure theirs out depending on their age but learn what the gifts are all about and start paying attention to your kids and see if you can figure it out. One of the obvious signs for us in two of our kids are phrases like “play with me”, “do a puzzle with me”, “go outside with me”, etc. This would be Quality Time. When you figure out what their love language is, you can honestly quit spinning your wheels on trying to give them hugs and kisses or buying them stuff and spend 10 minutes doing a puzzle or throwing a basketball in the net and all is right with the world for them again.

It’s good stuff and it works! A friend just told me today that she finds it amazing how something so simple could make such a big difference in her marriage.

Check it out.

Diploma!

Tori graduated in December. It is the end of May. She finally got her diploma!

A simple piece of paper with some fancy words and a few signatures that symbolizes a lot of hard work on her part and a lot of money on ours.

We are so proud of you, Tori!!

Jakeb’s Kenya Journey 2012

I made my way home to Texas primarily to help Jakeb get ready for his summer in Kenya. It was time for his college final exams and he had to move out of his dorm and pack up to live in Kenya for 10 weeks. That’s a lot for anyone to do alone so… Mom to the rescue. Whether he needed me or not – which he did, I’m sure of it.

Regardless of whether he needed me or not, it was SO good to have a reason to get home to see my kids and a few close friends and family members. And I got to spend Mother’s Day with my kids too so it was well worth it. And shop at Target. Had to throw that in somewhere

Jakeb has been to Kenya twice now for short term mission trips. Late last year he did some research and found out that he might could go spend the summer there. He applied. He interviewed. He was chosen. We are proud.

He did a few things to raise money for his trip but honestly, it’s very challenging for a college student to earn much due to his school schedule, being far away from everyone we know and also because he’s gone twice before and sort of felt weird about continuing to ask those who were so generous to give before. He did ask and many gave generously, he spent his spring break week power washing houses and driveways with a friend of his who is also going, and I made and sold peanut brittle for him in Singapore (which was a hit!). It is obvious by those who gave that Jakeb is following God’s call in going to Kenya. People who don’t even know Jakeb supported him and were grateful for the opportunity to do so. Talk about a blessing!

Many have asked who he’s going with and what he’ll be doing. So I’ll do my best here to answer those questions. He is going with an organization called Choose To Invest. They are affiliated with 410 Bridge whom we’ve been connected to for several years now with the Daraja Children’s Choir. Anyway, he is going with a team of 21, I believe, students and a few adult leaders. You can meet the team here on the Invest blog. As far as what they’ll be doing, as is typical with most trips to Kenya, you go with a plan and then that plan often changes. However, Choose to Invest is, at it’s core, a ministry desiring to grow disciples around the world. They describe what they do on the “current projects” web page.

Jakeb will be going to several communities and basically making disciples, MAtthew 2:19-20. It’s cool that he’ll be going to a few of the communities that Anna and I went to last October so I’ll be able to envision him serving there – where he’s walking, what he’s seeing, even knowing some of the people he will be hanging out with. The team is not taking computers, phones, etc. so they can serve without distraction. They are encouraged to be all there. The leaders will have computers and phones for them to use when it’s possible but we mostly won’t hear from them much except for the updates on the blog link below.

A HUGE thank you to all who have supported him financially and through prayer. Please keep up the prayer support! If you’d like to follow the journey, read the Invest Blog.

This is the photo I took of Jakeb when I dropped him off at the airport. He was packed and ready. His bag was overweight so he sacrificed the peanut butter but he kept the peanut brittle I brought him.

Here are photos of our “see ya’ later’s”. Our kids are weird huggers. Well, they’re just sort of weird in general. I’m sure they didn’t get that from me. Our kids are also pretty cool though!

At the airport at about 5am.

The peanut butter that Jakeb donated to Tori. :)

We are all wearing one of these bracelets to remind us to pray for Jakeb. Jakeb has one too so he’ll remember that we are praying for him.

I also ripped off this photo from the Invest blog. I hope they don’t mind.

Pray with us, please, for Jakeb and the team and those they will encounter in Kenya. For doors and ears and hearts to be open. For God’s will to be done without interference. For protection and peace. For them to stay healthy and to have all they need physically and emotionally. And for them all to come home safely at the end of July. Thanks!!

Matthew 28:19-20
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Another year….

We’ve come through several milestones in this last year but a birthday just seems to be a pretty big one. Tommy turned another year older. He turned another year wiser, handsomer, kinder, gentler, balder and a few other “er’s” in the course of this last year. I’m grateful for his birthday. On his birthday, I always thank God for making him three months before he made me and then 18 years later allowing us to find each other. I’m also always glad that for 3 months, he’s older than me.

Anna and I celebrated his birthday with him in Singapore the Sunday before Anna and I left for Texas. We took him to Brewerkz for lunch and then to see the Avengers 3D. Great movie, btw! We gave him an new ipod nano and a arm band for it to run with. He’s been running without music for a while since he was using Anna’s old ipod that was her very first one she ever had and it died a couple of months ago.

Sadly, he spent his actual birthday alone and did mundane things like going out to buy coffee and working on our computer back up system and eating Subway or something like that. He did tell me he ate a yummy cinnamon roll and that it passed for his birthday cake.

The photos below are from the Sunday we were with him. We’ll pretend that was his real birthday. I told him I was pretty sure when his mom was carrying him she would have loved for him to come out a couple of weeks early.

Happy birthday, babe! I’m grateful for another year to celebrate you and all God has done in you and through you.

As it should be…

When we planned my trip to Texas to help Jakeb get moved out of his dorm and ready for his summer in Kenya, I didn’t realize I’d get to be here, WITH MY KIDS, for Mother’s Day. Huge bonus!

Mother’s Day. With my kids. As it should be…..

On Saturday night, Tori brought me a box that I opened to find a dozen massive chocolate covered strawberries with a note from Tommy. He had ordered them online and sent them to Tori’s for me. Yep. I cried.

I spent actual Mother’s Day with my girls and we went to church and they took me to Chuy’s Tex Mex for lunch. They each gave me a charm for my Pandora bracelet which was a gift from my friend Jennifer when she left me behind in Singapore and moved back to Texas .

Tori’s boyfriend, Austin, gave me a great gift of a Starbucks card and a cool pink and white otterbox for my iphone. Nice surprise and a great gift!!

Mother’s Day evening we went over to my sister’s house and crashed her Mother’s Day celebration. I did some laundry, what mother’s do right?, and we played Cranium. That is always fun!

On Tuesday night, Jakeb and Anna took me to Texas Roadhouse in Lubbock for a good steak and margarita. Jakeb gave me another Pandora charm and this mom enjoyed yet another evening and meal with her kids.

I’m so incredibly blessed to get to be the mom of Tori, Jakeb and Anna. Thank you for being such great kids and human beings in general. You make this mother proud every single day of my life! Tommy, thank you for helping me be a mom. We make a great team!

I cannot write a Mother’s Day post without giving much deserved credit to two other very special Mom’s in my life – my mother and my mother-in-law.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:25-30

~Thank you Mom and Anita for being Proverbs 31 role model Moms! Your children arise and call you blessed!

1st a story…

I’m in Texas. Tommy is in Singapore. It will only be 2 weeks that this will be the case but it’s not fun to be apart. We have been communicating with imessage when I have wifi and Skype and phone calls as often as possible.

Last night, his morning, I told him I was utterly exhausted and would try to sleep in so I might not get to talk to him before he goes to bed. I asked him to send me emails about what all he did that day. I got what I asked for.

One in particular had to be shared.

Since I assume you are sleeping late I am going to bed early. 1st a story.

I got out of the elevator and the kid from across the hall asked me “Are you our neighbor?”

 

I said, “Yeah I am your neighbor.”

 

He said “Hi neighbor.”

 

I said “Hi neighbor.” and laughed.

 

He said, “You are  the people who use your aircon.”

 

I said, “Yeah we use our aircon,” And closed the door.

 

We are the people who are known on our floor as the ones who use our aircon.

 

I am totally okay with that. I thought it was funny.

 

I love you babe.

 

Talk to you tomorrow. Have a great day.

Cinco de Mayo in Singapore!

The 5th of May in Singapore is Vesak Day. That’s a Buddhist holiday and I’m not really sure what they celebrate but there’s talk of Buddha’s birthday, achieving enlightenment and all that jazz.

We decided to celebrate and achieve our own version of enlightenment with Fajitas, Tres Leches Cake, chips and salsa and sombrero’s! Oh, and Sangria and Margarita’s, of course.

Tommy and I had a church event to go to that chopped up our day so we wouldn’t have the time to cook so our condo buddies, Julianne and David, offered to make fajitas and have us over. It was absolutely amazing! And the fajitas were SO good that none of us even wanted to eat dessert. Well done for a couple who aren’t even Texan! We’ll convert them yet…..

I love that she cooked the fajitas in her wok!

Ole’ and Peace!!

Neighbors, Desserts and Smiles

When I started writing this post I asked Anna how many units were on our floor, She said 10. I knew that wasn’t true but she said there are 10 mail boxes for our floor so I had to go out and look. Our unit numbers start at 6 and go through 10. That’s 5. I have no idea what those other 5th floor mail boxes are for. Yet another mystery….

We have met or come in contact and chatted with most of our 5th floor neighbors. They’re all Chinese Singaporean and I think one family is Indian. They are new to our floor so we haven’t come in contact with them very much. The family before them were Japanese. They’re all very friendly but no one else has a Texas welcome mat.

Two of our neighbor family’s are particularly friendly and we know their names and how many kids they have and such. We have taken them chips and salsa, peanut brittle and spice cookies with pumpkin dip and they have given us and array goodies. One of them brings us Chinese treats on a pretty regular basis.

The first time she brought something I was in Texas and Tommy was here alone. She told him she wanted her dish back and that he could transfer it to another dish and give hers back. Being from Texas, he just assumed she meant later and he would return the dish – because you know that a good Texan never returns an empty dish. She meant now. So he left her outside, closed the door and went and transferred the dessert to another dish and took hers back to her. This has been the routine ever since and it’s ok because now we know. When she comes, if I’m home, we even let her in and visit while I make the transfer.

We later found out why she wanted the dish back “now”. One time she brought us a dessert. We transferred to another dish. Tommy was headed out somewhere and saw her delivering to another neighbor using that same dish. Presentation is everything!

I wish I had pictures of all of the treats she’s brought. They have all been traditional Chinese desserts and to be honest, I’ve been the only one to eat them. I’m kind of weird that way. I really enjoy all the Chinese jellied desserts with weird fruits and seeds and nuts and flavors. Tommy and Anna just look at them and say “yeah, cool”. More for me!

We got a delivery yesterday. I got out of the elevator yesterday afternoon and smelled something yummy. Sometimes the aroma from our neighbors kitchens that we smell in our common area are not so appealing but this time it was good. Turns out our delivery had that same smell. Yay me!! I ate all four beautifully molded jelly fruity seedy thingies and they were yummy.

She brought them in a disposable container too. heehee. Aren’t they pretty??

This is the stuff of Singapore that keeps me smiling and helps me make it another day.

Claytan Pottery/Ceramics, Malaysia

A few of us girls got together for a road trip from Singapore to Malaysia to visit a pottery and ceramics factory we had heard about. There were rumors of Spode seconds for a steal and other goodies.  We packed our lunches, took one last clean bathroom break and crossed the border with our Ringgit and a GPS.

Once we arrived at Claytan, at first glance, it wasn’t all that impressive but after about an hour and a half we all managed to bring home some treasures so it was definitely worth the trip. Plus it was fun so even if we came home empty handed we would have enjoyed our day.

There aren’t any pictures of me but just imagine a drippy, sweaty, red-faced female with her hair tightly pulled back and desperately needing a deodorant refresher. But I did have a smile on my face. I love finding new places, going on adventures and sharing them with friends.

If you click on the first image it should give you a larger image and arrows so you can scroll through them. Pretty cool!

Nice to have friends. :) Dahn, Mary and Kristin

I couldn’t help but wonder what they’d do if I asked for the one on the bottom.

You wouldn’t see this in Singapore. The mess or the gun. :)

I’m certain we left a great treasure behind in there.

The flies were pretty bad. I almost wishes we’d had some of this to wear.

Dusting the dishes is an outdoor area in Malaysia. Senseless…..

You can buy dishes and a toilet. Ironic combo don’t ya’ think?

What I spent. It equals about $50 USD.

My treasures. Would have probably cost $300 at Macy’s.

This is not all mine.

Tropical Village is just down the road a bit. We stopped for the bathroom before the journey back to Singapore.

Yep, this bathroom. ;) The kind where you roll your pants legs up so they don’t touch the ground.

Sad we didn’t have time for some Karaoke.

After digging through dusty dishes and that bathroom stop, these were like gold.

Some info and tips if you’re planning to make the trip:

*DON’T FORGET YOUR PASSPORT AND DEPENDENT/WORK PASS

*You’ll need either small bills or a Touch ‘n Go card for the tolls.
*Take a zippered purse and one that can fit under your feet in your car.
*They only take cash so get some Ringgit before you go.
*At the time of this post you can bring back $366 Ringgit worth of goods without having to pay customs tax.
*There are no restaurants or bathrooms on the way. Pack a lunch and don’t drink too much liquid. You do not want to have to stop on the side of the road.

*Pack tissues and hand sanitizer. The bathroom does not have toilet paper.
*We left Singapore at 9:15am and got back around 2:00. That was the drive, going through immigration and about an hour and half of shopping/digging.
*Dress comfortably but modestly. You will be in an Islamic country.
*Call ahead to make sure they will be open. Go on a weekday if you can. Friday/Saturday/Sunday would be busier and you’ll get caught in more traffic.Here are the directions . . . . it is seriously in the middle of nowhere, a tin roofed tent on the left.
Take PIE towards TUAS
go through Tuas checkpoint
Take E3 to E2 (follow signs towards KL/Meleka) – make sure you follow the sign to KL/Meleka, not Johor
Exit 245 (Machap); take right at exit
Drive approx 5 miles (highway will be on right)
Pottery Place will be on left, past “Tropical Village”

CLAYTAN INDUSTRIES SDN BHD (6130-W)
57th Mile, Jalan Johor,
86100 Ayer Hitam, Kluang,
Johor, Malaysia.
10:00am- 6:00pm
019-7627216

There’s a similar place in Singapore, Pottery Jungle. It’s a little more upscale, organized but also a little more expensive. You won’t find Spode here, though. Definitely worth going to!

Sisters in Singapore

My sister just recently made the long and horrid flight from Dallas to Singapore. Why? To see me, of course! It is always great to have visitors and be able to see this place we live in through fresh eyes.

The Stunz and Sanders sisters stormed Singapore. Phew! That’s a lot of S’s.

And I took a lot of pictures!

Of the food we ate.

Of the flowers we saw.

The birds we fed.

Of the adventures we experienced.

The laughs we laughed.

The fun we had.

The shopping we did.

Of the pampering… ahhh… the pampering.

Of the time we were together.

Thanks for coming, Edie!! It looks like from these pictures that we did nothing but eat. Looks can be deceiving. However, in this case it’s an accurate overview of how we spent our days. We talked about what’s for lunch over breakfast. We talked about what’s for dinner over lunch. We were on our way to lunch talking about what’s for dinner. Food is Singapore. Singapore is food.

Who’s coming next?

FYI, we’re totally planning to blow this joint by June of 2013. That’s our plan anyway, we’ll see if God agrees. We have no idea what’s next though. If you’re thinking of coming then you need to make your plans soon. After April, our life will probably be consumed with all things chaotic. So, when are you coming?